To Our Seniors: A Particular Kind of Grief

This was a message I sent to our Barton College senior class today.

While the context is of course specific, there are many other students having similar experiences across the country and the world right now.

I thought I would share it here as a resource and a comfort for others:

Greetings to the Barton College Class of 2020,

It's your College Chaplain, David, here. I wanted to send a message specifically to those of you who are planning to graduate at the end of this semester. I know the uncertainty and challenges of this time may be hard on you in a particular kind of way. This was supposed to be your year, and it may feel like it's been hijacked by a virus, along with your season, your performance, your farewell gatherings with friends. 

I want to say a few very brief things to you:

First, it is ok for you to be feeling what you are feeling. You are allowed to grieve the remaining months of this senior year you thought you had in front of you. In the rich theological language of my Christian tradition: this sucks, and it's ok to say that. You will not take away from any of the other very important crisis responses that are happening right now by feeling what you are feeling and sharing what you need to share. We are all allowed to feel hurt and upset even as we do what we need to do to protect each other, protect our families, and preserve life. 

Second, please know that I am holding you in my prayers and on my heart right now, and so are a lot of other folks. We see you. We know this is hard. There's a ton that's outside of our control, and a ton of big, tough decisions that haven't been made yet, but know that your Barton family sees you and loves you through this. We mourn with you just as much as we celebrate with you. 

Third, grief is a strange companion, and the particular kind of grief you are feeling right now is no exception. It does not actually move along through five neat stages. It's more like a swirly-spaghetti-bowl-mess of confusing reactions and feelings. Grief can be a friend -- it can remind us of the things we care about and love the most -- but it is, at the very least, a rather difficult friend to be around at times, and again, it's alright to acknowledge that. 

Fourth, grief calls to grief. If you were already processing something difficult in your life, separately from this current crisis and its impact on your senior year, those reactions can combine, intensify, or complicate each other. 

So, fifth, please, please don't hesitate to reach out for support. I'm here -- you can set up a time to talk with me . Our counseling center is available -- you can schedule an appointment. I'm doing remote prayer meetings at 11am every Tuesday  and 8pm every Thursday as long as we're in remote learning mode.

And of course, you also have each other as peer supports, confidants, and companions on this odd journey. You are not alone. We see you. We value you. Even though this is a strange time where we are required to be physically distant, it's never been more important to affirm: we only get through this thing together.

Please don't hesitate to reach out if you need to talk. Your Barton family is here for you.

Light and Life,
Chaplain David